WHERE ARE THEY NOW? Checking in with Jurassic Carl Everett

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The inaugural “Where are they now?” segment needs to have some gusto, some poignancy among Sox fans, and has to be an attention grabber.  Enter Carl Everett, the power hitting, dinosaur hating, not real happy former Sox outfielder.

He hit 34 homeruns for the Sox in 2000 and broke up a potential perfect game by Yankee Mike Mussina with two out in the ninth, but his days in Boston were best remembered for his less than glittery interactions with umpires and the media.  And gay people.  And people who do not believe in ‘excessive corporal punishment for their own children’.  And opposing pitchers. And teammates. And so on.

Everett was a talented baseball player without a doubt, but certainly not one with the personality for the Boston media.  Ironically, despite his rocky time with the Sox, I think the fans were very thankful for his services.  Not so much on the field but for coining the “Curly-Haired Boyfriend” nickname for Globe columnist Dan Shaughnessy.

“You can’t say there were dinosaurs  when you never saw them….No one ever saw a Tyrannosarus Rex.” Book of Carl

Fossils?

“Man-made fakes.”

Oh. Um, okay.  I heard part of Obama’s stimulus package is going to covert fossil building projects.  I guess that’s what shovel-ready is all about.

Where is he now?  No friggin idea.  Here are some places/jobs not to search for him at:

1.  Natural History Museum curator.  All those dinosaur skeletons.  Taunting him.  Snickering.  Day and night.  Each one faker than the last.  might as well start a unicorn exhibit…

2.  Daycare owner:  Boot camp for tots, maybe, but nothing on the sane/nurturing side of that.

3. Public relations adviser

4. Umpire

5.  Television evangelist:  Wait.  Hates gays and dinosaurs, and believes that a man doesn’t need to be faithful to his wife but that a woman always needs to be no matter what…never mind.

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