BACK TO REALITY: Drew Reportedly ‘All Set’ to Play in 43% of Games This Season

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“He probably hurt it pouring milk on his cereal.” mused Dustin Pedroia

“Maybe it happened while he was losing a game of hold’em or watching NASCAR,” guessed Tim Wakefield.

“Eating a turkey sandwich,” proposed David Ortiz.

“I don’t know,” lamented manager Terry Francona, ” That guy gets hurt just (expletive) thinking about playing the game.”

The above comments were in response to that all too familiar question around the Red Sox clubhouse: How did JD Drew get hurt yet again?  The oft injured right fielder has earned himself the ‘what is it now?’ reputation around the league.

JD Drew has spent much of the last two seasons nursing injuries on the bench.  Only, these aren’t injuries like they show you on ESPN in slow motion or the ones that legitimately sideline players.  JD misses games for things like ‘stiffness’ and ‘tightness’ and ‘lameness’ and ‘ouchies’ and ‘boo-boos’.


Drew is congratulated coming off the field by his teammates for playing in his second consecutive game last season.

Drew’s stiff back has plagued him last season and apparently nagged him over the off season leading up to his arrival at camp, still feeling tightness in his back.  Around the clubhouse there is buzz about the upcoming seasons JD DREW DAY OFFice pool.  The veterans have been spotted throwing tightly rolled wads of cash into a small box, while the younger, less established players sheepishly place tens and twenties in the box.  They are guessing the number of days taken off by the right fielder.

Says Ortiz, “You know, man. All I know is I’m taking the pool this year.  Aint no goddamn rookies taking my money, you know? “

When asked about JD Drew keeping off the DL and on the field he replied, “It don’t matter.  He’s still part of this team  When he’s in and hitting that’s good, you know?  But when he’s out, more than likely I am taking the pool money.”

The Sox are hopeful that their expensive and occasionally productive right fielder will be more than a part time player.  When you’re paid $14 million a season it’s time to play through some stiffness–or kick some of that money to back-ups Rocco Baldelli and Mark Kotsay.  Or do as Ortiz has suggested numerous times with a toothy grin and contribute it to a special charity called the Day Off Foundation.


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Kevin Youkilis f*%$^’n reacts f ^%$#’n angrily as he shouts f^%$$#’n profanities at his god$#’d% f*^%$$’n bat in a game last season on Family Day at Fenway Park.

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MONEY RAMIREZ: Chillin’ in the Land of Make Believe

bdd_mr_lost_7908_bgjd(Boston Globe Staff Photo / Jim Davis)

I’d like to think that if I were one of the greatest right handed hitters of all time that I wouldn’t be as delusional as Manny Ramirez, starting left fielder for the Nowhere Nobodies. Let it be known right now that he will sign with someone before the season starts—perhaps before I finish writing this. Either a team will be suckered into giving him too much money or multiple years or things will lead in the direction more concurrent with the dreadful economy and this little concept called reality.

“Man,” he recently complained to good friend Albert Pujols over lemonade and finger sandwiches, “nobody wants to sign me.” Actually, 29 of the 30 teams in the league would love to sign you, Manny, just not at your ridiculous asking price. I’m sure most people would love to own a $60,000 sports car, but not if they have to pay $150,000 for it and have it refuse to start at any given time.

Given Manny’s behavior over the past year, both on the field and off , you can only imagine just how little he grasps the mechanisms of the current free agent market, especially how it is being affected by the poor economy. Imagine a sit down session between Ramirez and his agent Scott Boras…

Scott Boras: Manny, it looks like we might need to go fewer years, maybe two years for around $50 million.

Manny Ramirez: Listen Steve, I am Manny, you know?

Boras: (after waiting for further elaboration from Manny) Um, well no one is willing to give you more than two years. And everyone seems willing to go into the season with what they’ve got unless we go for less money.

Manny: (fiddling with a Dick Cheney action figure from Boras’ desk) I think 4 years and $100 million.

Boras: Right. Me too, but in this economic climate that is very unlikely to play out. We may need to back off a bit. Take fewer years maybe with an option and with what I taught you we’ll get you out of that option nonsense and into some real money next year.

Manny: Have the Dodgers offered 4 years, $100,000 million recently?

Boras: (shakes head)

Manny: Giants?

Boras: Okay, ah, Manny um, here’s the thing, we…are not getting…

Manny: I’m headed to get some fish tacos, man. Listen, Steve, call me on my cell when I get a deal. Chau, bro.


(7.11.04: Jim Davis / Boston Globe File Photo)

What Manny hears: “Manny, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, Manny. Blah, blah, blah, blah, John McCain, blah, blah, blah, blah, hitting, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, money.”

Yesterday Manny told reporters that he’s confident that he will sign with someone soon and that if he can get another six years in the league that he’ll be able to get 3,000 hits and 700 home runs. Six years? Though not officially stating it, he still very well could be expecting to get four to six years even now when the longest term contract offered to him has been two years, and Scott Boras didn’t even respond to that offer. They are now being offered less years and money than the one to which he didn’t show the good grace to respond .

“The lunatic is on the grass…” Pink Floyd, 1973.

The lunatic is surely on something, and they’re not common sense pills. Manny is seemingly living in a land where he thinks the compensation process invovles magical fairies swooping into his window and emptying large sacks of money onto his floor for him to roll in. He waits up each night, but alas, no fairies.

In the end Manny will be paid, and compensated much better than the average human being. Someone (Yankees?) might even give the man too many years and too much money. I realize that’s not very Yankeeesque but stranger things have happened. Until that happens Manny will wait up at night longing for the money fairies.


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